About me, about Jim, the sinner

I have to say, I have been all over the map as far as religion and belief is concerned. For the first three decades of my adult life, I seemed compelled to seek answers in all the wrong places, at times blaming God for problems in my childhood and problem I created myself with an ‘on again/off again’ drug and alcohol addiction while dabbling in occult rituals, exploring Buddhism, multiculturalism and new age beliefs when I wasn’t professing to be atheistic or agnostic. A couple of decades ago I finally settled into a belief system I was familiar with and one that I had been exposed to as a child by my favorite uncle; the Shawnee Indian culture and religion which I embraced for a decade until being frightened to my core by the powers I was playing with. Some of the things I experienced while practicing this American Indian mysticism drastically and suddenly made me realize that I had no control over anything I was encountering and these experiences caused me to back up and evaluate just where I was and what I was playing with. Coincidentally (I say that with tongue in cheek because I don’t believe it was coincidence) about this time my cousin gave me several audio tapes on Chuck Missler’s Beyond Series that uses modern science and math to prove creation, which (me being a technical nerd and geek) really piqued my interest and caused me to start becoming interested in the scriptures again. Looking back I realize The Lord was patiently watching over me and allowed me to go though these experiences to prove some things to me and to allow me to come to some basic conclusions. Twenty-something years of a slow tango with Satan, twenty-something years of experiencing many different rituals and practices and chants and visions and unexplainable supernatural experiences all can be wrapped up into one neat package. When all the glitz and glamor, bling and glitter are stripped away, it boils down to this; there is only good and evil, black and white and everything is either of God or of Satan. Many gods to choose from is a fallacy, as is many truths or many realities, rather there is only one truth and one True God.

After finally coming to this realization, it still took me a couple of years before I shook off the ‘many faces of God’ belief that I had allowed myself to be drawn into and I put mother earth and father sky behind me and took the final step and accepted the truth laid before me and relinquished control of my life; I was still a drunk and I was still wrecking the train but on January 15, 2010, after years of attempting to become sober on my own and of trying to throw off the chains of addiction, I threw it all at His feet and in desperation I prayed to My Savior for the first time in decades and He healed me then and there. Even after that miracle, I couldn’t believe I qualified for his grace and I had weeks of doubt that He would actually accept me after all the debasing I had done over the decades (I later realized Satan, my old dance partner, was continuing to condemn me) until the Holy Spirit reminded me of the childhood story of the Prodigal Son. I realized I was that terribly unappreciative son and I believe that story was written for me. The story of the Prodigal Son that is in Luke chapter fifteen was one of my saving graces and remains cherished by me, the sinner that I am.

God Bless, Jim

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